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Rough Patches in December and January, Part 3 of 3

The following portion was written February 7, 2021:

I decided to not send the parts of this post that I wrote on January 31 until the last two days; it was just too personal, too painful. This week has been SO much better! Now that I am feeling back to “normal” (for me), I feel like I can end my letter on a positive note. I have my energy and enthusiasm back. I’m so grateful for the healing power of God and Jesus Christ in that healing. Besides just the passage of time and the grace of God, something else I think has helped: I listened to an audiobook: The Power of Now. I don’t agree with all of the author’s conclusions, but most of what he said rang true for me. One thing he talked about was “surrendering to what is.” My son is dead; I can’t change that. What I CAN change at this present moment is accepting that fact. I will still probably feel sad at times, but I can then choose to accept that sadness. I’m not saying it as well as the author did, but how he put it has helped me. My doctor in NZ recommended this book last year when I told her I was having a hard time after Ashton’s angelversary. I never got around to listening to it…but when I was having a hard time again this year, I thought I’d check it out…and am glad I did.

As we are learning about the early history of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I was struck by an early event: Mount Tambora in Indonesia erupted in 1815, spewing enough ash into the atmosphere that climates were affected throughout the world. The following year became known as “the year without summer” in Vermont because of snowfall and killing frosts during the growing season. This was the “last straw” for Joseph Smith, Sr., who then decided to move his family to western New York. This led to a series of events that led to the founding of the Church, but, geographically speaking, it put Joseph Smith, Jr. in proximity of where Moroni had buried sacred golden plates over 1400 years earlier. By divine guidance, Joseph was shown where these plates were and he translated them into the Book of Mormon, Another Testament of Jesus Christ. In thinking of my own life, Ashton’s suicide has been my Mount Tambora eruption: it has been catastrophic and devastating…but I think it has helped God put my heart where He wants it to be right now. It has also led to serving two missions where I can serve other missionaries like Ashton. 

As I read about the surgery on Joseph Smith Jr.’s leg when he was 7-years-old (in a last-ditch effort to avoid amputation, the doctor cut out a piece of infected bone without anesthetic, because there weren’t any in 1812), my sympathy in the past has been for the boy Joseph. However, this time, my compassion this time was for his father, who had to hold his son during this excruciating operation. How helpless he must have felt to not be able to provide his son with some relief. Before Ashton died, I also felt very helpless as I knew he and everyone else were doing their best to bring him some relief. Perhaps this gives me a small glimpse into how God, the Father, felt when He watched His Perfect, Only-Begotten Son suffer in the Garden of Gethsemanae and on the cross. The Father, of course, could have rescued His Son. Jesus could have rescued Himself…but They chose to go forward with that excruciating experience because of Their love for us. I’m grateful to believe in a God Who weeps when I weep, Who rejoices when I rejoice. No, I am not strong…God is strong. Any strength you think you see in me…is Him.

Another thought: God no longer asks us to sacrifice a firstborn lamb; instead He asks us to give to Him our broken hearts and contrite spirits. Why does He want us to have broken hearts? Comparing it to growing wheat (or other grains): The ground must be broken to plant the seed. Seeds must be broken before they sprout. Clouds must be broken to release the rain to water the plant. When harvested, the grain is often broken/milled to make it more digestible. God wants my heart to be broken so I can turn to Him for healing. So I can grow. My spirit must be contrite (submissive) to the current circumstances. I am striving to surrender to what is at this very moment.
I’ve read some on “post-traumatic growth,” the positive psychological change experienced as a result of adversity and other challenges. I pray that I can allow some of that to happen in my life…and to recognize it when it does.

One of my sisters emailed me the week of Ashton’s angelversary and said, “Your hearts will be in my heart.” One of my brothers wrote about working with Ashton the days before Ashton’s death. Those gestures meant so much to me! I believe in angels! So many of you have been “angels” of love and compassion to me! Thank you!

Thanks for listening and for your love and prayers.

Carter

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Rough Patches in December and January, Part 2 of 3

This was also written on January 31, 2021.

On January 28 (Ashton’s angelversary), Faye and I went for a walk in a redwood forest near Rotorua, New Zealand. We stopped partway, sat on a bench and meditated. As I walked, the scripture in Alma 36 came to my mind, so I looked it up. Adapting it to my situation, this is the part that resonated with me: “…as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by [my grief], behold, I remembered to have heard…concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the [grief and pains] of the world. Now as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy no me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of [grief]. And now,…when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more;…I was harrowed up by the memory of my [grief] no more. And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold;…my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!”

I can’t say that this happened instantaneously…but as I cried out in my heart over and over, “O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me…” I gradually felt lighter and not so weighed down with grief. I am grateful for that answer to prayer that came as I asked and according to God’s will and timing.

Also while we walked, I thought about a conversation between Winnie the Pooh and Piglet:”Today was a difficult day,” said Pooh.There was a pause. “Do you want to talk about it?” asked Piglet? “No,” said Pooh after a bit. “No, I don’t think I do.” “That’s okay,” said Piglet, and he came and sat beside his friend. “What are you doing?” asked Pooh. “Nothing, really,” said Piglet. “Only I know what difficult days are like. I quite often don’t feel like talking about it on my difficult days either.” “But goodness,” continued Piglet, “difficult days are so much easier when you know you’ve got someone there for you. And I’ll always be here for you, Pooh.” And as Pooh sat there, working through in his head his difficult day, while the solid, reliable Piglet sat next to him quietly, swinging his little legs…he thought that his best friend had never been more right.” As I thought about this fictitious conversation, I thought of Faye and many other friends and family who can’t take my pain away, but are willing to just (metaphorically) “sit with me,” I cried in gratitude for their compassion.

One night during this recent “rough patch,” I was trying to go to sleep, but my mind and heart were weighed down with grief. I felt alone. I cried out in my heart, “Heavenly Father, it’s just You and me right now. Please help me.” And He did! Within a short time, my mind and heart were calmed and I was able to go to sleep.

When the Prophet Joseph Smith was illegally imprisoned for six  months in Liberty, Missouri, he received several revelations from God. Reading one of them today [written January 28] brought me comfort, “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.” Right now, grief has been one of my “foes.” I also read this quote today by Elder Lawrence E. Corbridge: “…suffering and joy are not incompatible but rather essential companions. You can suffer and never know joy, but you can’t have joy without suffering.” In the moment, I can’t say that I’m grateful for grief and suffering. However, I believe they have enhanced my ability to experience joy. It’s like they have stretched and even “broken” my heart…a painful experience…but doing so has allowed my heart to grow, making more room for more joy and happiness.

I recently read an article that resonated with me. Again adapting to my situation: I have two hands. In one of them (metaphorically speaking), I am holding grief; in the other, I am holding joy. With time, my grip on the grief I’m feeling becomes less intense and my grip on the joy I’m feeling becomes more intense. I can attest that it is possible to feel both grief and joy simultaneously.

Another article talked about “cleaning up debris” after a catastrophic life event. I think my occasional grief spells are helping me accomplish that. I’m trying to learn to welcome grief like I would a friend. This time, I tried to welcome “him” into my home, to sit with him and see what he has to teach me. Like I might prepare for the visit of an important person, I am trying to prepare my heart for grief’s periodic visits. After he leaves, there are some things that need to be picked up and put away.

I also thought of patients whose joints swell up and become painful when the weather is stormy and of how these same grief spells might be likened to those symptoms: painful, but usually transient.
(to be continued…)

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Rough Patches in December and January, Part 1 of 3

Written by Carter

This portion was written mostly on January 31, 2021.

As an introductory caution, this post will not be an “Insta-perfect” travel log. The absence of photos is deliberate. I will talk about some hard things. Why not just focus on the positive? Certainly, most of what is going on in my life right now is very positive and uplifting. Everyone goes through hard times; I understand that. I also understand that the worst pain is your pain. So why even bring up hard stuff? How does that make things better? Why am I writing this? Well…certainly, nobody need feel “obligated” to read what I write…but I am writing this for two reasons: a) To help me understand myself and my situation; and b) perhaps others can learn from me, both my successes and failures. I claim no expertise except for what is like to be Carter Mayberry right now…and even that is very much a “work in progress.” I read something that reminded me that I am uniquely qualified to be me. I’ve had all the experiences I need to prepare me for right now.

For those familiar with the Myers-Briggs personality types, my personality (ISFJ) is very good at some things (like all types)…but I am also prone to certain weaknesses (like all types). One of my personality’s weaknesses is that we sometimes tend to dwell on the negative. Acknowledging that is at least half the battle for me. “Why not just think more positively?” you might ask. Great question! My response: I’m working on it; I haven’t found a “switch” to make it happen immediately, so think it will probably be more of a gradual effort for me.

So…here goes:

I’ve had a couple of rough patches the past few months. In mid-December, I was with some other senior couples serving in Auckland. I asked them a question that popped into my head, “What’s your favorite movie?” One of them narrowed the question further and asked, “What’s your favorite Christmas movie?” Several of them named their favorites. Someone mentioned, “It’s a Wonderful Life,” with Jimmy Stewart. I thought, “Yeah, that’s a good movie; I think I’ll watch that!” And I did watch it. I don’t remember where Faye was at the time, but I watched it by myself. It didn’t occur to me that the main character almost ended his own life by jumping off a bridge toward the end of the movie…but an angel was sent to save him. That scene “blindsided” me; I forgot it was in there. I don’t think I had watched that movie since Ashton’s suicide. It brought me down more than I had anticipated…and I felt down for several days after that. I know that it was a fictional story and doubt that angels really do rescue people from suicide the way the movie depicted…but I’m sure there are many people who are pulled back from the brink of suicide by various influences. I felt happy for all those to whom that has happened. At the same time, I felt sad for those (including Ashton) who are not rescued from that point of crisis. I don’t expect to understand why/why not during this lifetime, but know that God loves all His children and trust His plan for all of them.

The other “rough patch” was the week of January 28, which was the seven-year anniversary of Ashton’s suicide; we call it his “angelversary.” It seems like the first few years after Ashton’s death, that day was harder for Faye than it was for me. The last few years, it seems to be harder for me than for Faye. I’m not sure why that is. I’ve done some soul-searching, prayerfully asking, “Lord, what lack I yet?” I set some goals around New Year’s Day, wanting to be more emotionally-, physically-, socially- and spiritually-prepared for January 28. I believe God expects us to exert our best effort at the same time as we reach out for His grace. I think all those personal efforts…along with the grace of God…helped me so January 28 wasn’t as hard as it has been the last few years…but it was still hard. I honestly can’t think of anything I should have done (or not done) in preparation for that day that would have made it any better. I have concluded that this must be part of the “normal” process of healing. Why is my healing taking so long? I don’t know; I’m trying to sit with my grief when it comes, acknowledge it, feel it, see what it has to teach me. How do I feel on those days? I just feel sad/down/heavy/tired. I need to take longer naps and get to bed earlier. After a few days, my energy level is usually close to “normal” for me. I’m self-diagnosing, but I don’t think I need to see my physician to change my antidepressant…since it’s better in a few days.  I’ve also read about “complicated grief” and none of those features apply to me; I just feel kinda yucky for a few days.

(to be continued…)

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Baptisms

Written by Carter. One of the missionaries had surgery on Monday. To preserve confidentiality, I will refer to the missionary as “they” or “them” and won’t give more details. Because it was in Auckland (and involved a complicated situation), Faye and I drove them to the surgery. They wanted me to be present when the doctors were talking to them before surgery. Faye and I waited in the waiting room during the surgery, which seems to have gone well. The missionary was in a fair amount of pain and was very tired after the surgery, so we brought them to our apartment to rest until their companion could be with them again. It was a blessing to serve them. “Mama Faye” did a great job “mothering” them!

We have been participating in lessons with Sarah, an amazing woman in her 30s who was so ready for baptism yesterday! Last Sunday, she said, “I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the next six days! I feel like I’m going to jump out of my skin because I’m so excited about being baptized!” She calls us her “Church parents”! How awesome is that?! (We will definitely be carryng a New Zealand “daughter” in our hearts when we come home!) She even asked me to baptize her! Sarah’s lessons have been at the church building and the missionaries have invited us to attend them. On Thursday, she invited us (and the missionaries) to her apartment so we could bless it to be a place where she can be protected both spiritually and physically. I felt guided by the Spirit as I was voice for that blessing. Experiences like these are yet another evidence that this is The Church of Jesus Christ, where His authority is dispersed to as many men who are willing to be obedient to His commandments and are authorized to exercise His priesthood in His name (rather than one or a few men who are leaders, as is the case in all/most other churches).

The baptismal service yesterday was very inspirational! Sarah was glowing before, during and after the service. One of the young missionaries confirmed her a member of the Church today and blessed her to receive the Holy Ghost. When I think of how her “countenance” was when we first met her a few weeks ago…compared with how it is now…it is truly miraculous to see that conversion, that transformation. What a privilege to have a front-row seat and to be a part of this experience! Jesus Christ can do miraculous things with people who are willing to turn their lives over to them.

A man in his 30s was also baptized yesterday. He is from Peru and is an engineer on the temple being built in Auckland. He helped build a temple in Peru and another in Chile…but just was not ready to join the Church at that time. Because I speak Spanish, the missionaries invited me to several of his lessons and I helped explain some of the more complex ideas to him in Spanish. It has also been a privilege to be a part of his conversion process.

On Friday, we had a phone interview about possibly being on the podcast, “Bereaved But Still Me.” A friend who lost her daughter to congenital heart disease and is involved with the podcast invited us. It was a good experience to talk to them, then for Faye and me to review the script for the actual podcast. We hope it will be useful for those who need/want to learn from our experiences. (It was also interesting to catch a glimpse of how podcasts are created. There was a lot of prep work going on behind the scenes!)

I did a Zoom training for the incoming president (and his wife) for the mission that includes Vanuatu/New Caledonia/Solomon Islands (island nations in the south Pacific). We covered the Church’s resources that are available to help them care for the missionaries’ physical and mental health. They sure seem like great folks…as mission leaders always are!

I have been reading the Book of Mormon over the phone with a lady from Mexico who lives in NZ with her husband and son and who wants to speak better English. She reads a verse aloud in Spanish (for comprehension), then again in English…and I help her with pronunciation and subtleties of the English language. I’m sure glad I learned English as a child! It sure seems hard to learn as an adult!

Yesterday, I called one of my former mission companions…from 39 years ago! It sure was good to hear his voice again! It was good to hear about him and his family. Serving as mission companions sure creates some lasting friendships!
One of the families who live in our apartment complex are from India and they practice Zoro-Astrianism. The man has shared several videos and articles with me about his religion. I shared a Book of Mormon with him and some other things about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Here are some things that I have read, heard and/or thought about recently:

  • The great law of the Iriquois is that our most sacred duty is to think seven generations ahead when making any decision.
  • Life is like a fitness center; growth is hard and is sometimes painful.
  • Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.
  • I like to think of God encouraging me with these words: “You don’t know everything, but you know enough. You are strong enough for this…because I am with you.”
  • I listened to the audiobook of “The Boy Crisis,” which I recommend. In it, the author talks about “Hero Intelligence” vs “Health Intelligence.” Why are more men and boys dying from suicide? Could it have something to do with society rewarding boys for developing “Hero Intelligence,” at the expense of their “Health Intelligence”?
  • As I read in the scriptures about adversity, I wondered: How did the righteous/believing women and children being burned bless their righteous surviving men who were cast out of Ammonihah before this atrocity was committed against their loved ones (Alma 14)? I don’t think the scriptures comment on that, but I believe God blessed in some way for their faithfulness amidst affliction. Thinking about this caused me to ask myself this question: How have I been blessed because of Ashton suicide? I will give that some thought and write what comes to my mind and heart, then share as appropriate.

I haven’t written as much lately partly because I went through a “rough patch” for a couple of months. I am working on a letter with more details about that; I hope to send it out this week — for those who are interested. Overall, I think my grief is improving. One measure of that observation is this: Last year, we went to a party at a local family’s house, celebrating the signing of the Waitangi Treaty between the British and the Maori in 1840. It was about a week after the anniversary of Ashton’s death. When I’m feeling low, it’s hard for me to be around people for very long; after about an hour last year, I was ready to go home. This year, we went to the same party…and I was still feeling good after being there for two hours! I commented to Faye on the way home about how much better my “party stamina” was this year! What a blessing!

I love yous all! (This is how people from Tonga and Samoa commonly say “you” when several people are included.)

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Praying for Suraya

Monday, March 1, 2021. Written by Faye.

This morning, I walked with a group of ladies to the beach for our morning walk. We wanted to collect shells for a project we are doing. We saw a big flock of birds out on the beach surrounding something. We thought it was a fish, but it was a little hammerhead shark! It was still alive so a man tried to save it by throwing it back into the ocean. On our way back we found the shark washed back up on the beach. It didn’t look good at all. Poor little thing! I was wondering where it’s momma was. A local woman decided that it needed to be thrown away so the birds and dogs don’t start playing with it. We told her we would do it but we took some pictures before we did. Finding that shark was pretty exciting, even for the locals. On the way home from the beach walk we got caught in a downpour and were soaking when we got back home but it was fun!

We are on lockdown again in the Auckland area for a week as of Sunday because there’s one new case in the community that can’t be traced to a source. They think it’s one of the new strains. We are back to level 3. The grocery stores are open and we can get take out but everything else is closed…. and no church meetings. We were supposed to fly out to the South Island Sunday morning but the trip got canceled. We have another trip planned to Dunedin in March. I hope we get to go on that one.

About 3 days ago, I was getting in the elevator on the bottom floor to go up to our 4th floor apartment. A lady from India got on with me and pushed the 1st floor button. I wondered why she was using the elevator if she was only going to the first floor. She was quiet but I saw her looking at my missionary badge. I smiled at her and just before she got off she said, “Can you pray for me? My foot is not healing. My name is Suraya.” And then she spelled her name slowly…. S.U.R.A.Y.A. (Pronounced like Mariah) I told her  of course I would pray for her and thanked her for asking me. She stepped off the elevator with a little limp and I rode up to my floor. When I walked in my apartment I told Carter what happened and I got teary thinking of the trust she had in me to ask me to pray for her. She must have been desperate for help. It’s another testament that who I represent is so important. I wonder if she would have asked me to pray for her if I didn’t have that badge on. Carter suggested we kneel and pray right then. We did. I put her name on the prayer roll of the Gila Valley Temple and we have been praying for  Suraya. I have been asking Heavenly Father if I could meet up with her again to see how she’s doing. I know she lives on the first floor in building A but I don’t know which apartment.

Love to all ….Faye

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We Are Still Here!

Saying goodbye to Steve & LuAnne Peterson who are going home.  He served as the DTA (Director of Temporal Affairs) in the area office. It’s like the bishop for the Pacific area working under the presiding bishopric.
Jacob & Gracia’s little Jacob Antonio. He’s 4 months old here. 

Written by Carter. I exchanged emails with a friend who wondered why he hadn’t received an email from us in several weeks; he (jokingly) wondered if we had taken him off the mailing list? Thank you, friend, for the call to repentance…and here is this week’s letter!

Faye and I feel like we are serving a “member and leader support mission”! Not complaining at all; we love it! We mentioned previously that we were asked to visit an 84-year-old single woman who joined the Church at about age 10 and was very active for many years. Because of hurt feelings, she stopped attending for the past several years. We feel blessed to be a part of her starting to attend regularly again. Several members are reaching out to her, so I hope she will continue to attend when we go home.

We are participating in missionary lessons with a man from Trujillo, Peru (near where my brother, Young, served 45+ years ago) and who is an engineer for the new temple being built in Auckland. His English is pretty good…but I think he appreciates when I translate some complex concepts into Spanish for him. He had not been reading in the Book of Mormon daily, so we invited him to do that and I bore testimony of its influence and power for good in my life. Since then, he has been reading daily. He has accepted a baptism invitation for March 6 and is excited about taking that crucial step on his journey back to Heavenly Father.

We have also been reaching out to a woman in her 40s from Mexico. She joined the Church 6 months ago. Her husband and son were not baptized; I don’t know how interested they are. We had a nice visit with her yesterday. We invited her to fast about a challenge she is facing…and we fasted with her.

We have also been participating in lessons with a 39-year-old single woman. She has had many challenges in her life, but seems to be sincere in her search for the truth. In one lesson, I felt like I should read from a talk by Boyd K. Packer where he quoted Isaiah 1:18. She said, “I randomly opened my Bible this morning…and that is the very verse that I read!” Coincidence? I don’t think so! How humbling it is to be a part of God’s work.

Yesterday a friend (since 4th grade) and I spoke on the phone for over 90 minutes! It was great to get caught up with him and his family. What a priceless treasure is a good friend!

This morning, one of Faye’s high school classmates contacted her on Messenger. She did a DNA test and has found her half brother. Through his DNA test, he is distantly related to me! I called her on Messenger to get more details. Her half brother is also related to the St. David Ward Family History Consultant! I called him and put her in touch with him. What a miracle and blessing are these technologies to help us learn about our roots!

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He Calms Our Little Storms

Written by Faye

Dear Whanau and Friends,

We had a fun and interesting little trip up to the northernmost end of the north island this last week. Most of New Zealand shuts down for 2 weeks during the Christmas and New Years holiday and most everyone goes on vacation. Even the doctors’ offices are closed for the two weeks. It was difficult to find a place to stay but we finally found a little farmhouse on Air BnB that had two rooms. We went with another couple here, Brent & Ella Romney. It turned out to be a pretty cool old farmhouse built in the early 1900’s that had a river running behind it with a dock. I used the word interesting to describe this trip because when we arrived, the lady who lived there was drunk….she smoked almost constantly except for when she was sleeping and swore way more than I’m used to hearing. (Ella and I did a lot of giggling that first night because … what else could we do but laugh!!) She also had two big Rottweilers that roamed the house freely. The dogs were really nice though. We had no other place to stay so we decided to make the best of it. The rooms were clean and the river in the back was so beautiful! Rosemary turned out to be really nice and gentle and it will be a great memory for us. She ran her place like a bed and breakfast and made bacon & eggs for us the 3 mornings we were there. The home was located out in the country two kilometers off the highway on a dirt road. We walked in the mornings and saw horses that ran up to the fence to meet us with a fantail bird flitting around the horses like a fairy. It was magical!. There were herds of cows along the beautiful hills and valleys. We had 3 full days of traveling around the area and had a great time seeing some new parts of beautiful New Zealand.

Rosemary asked about our missionary tags and we got to tell her why we are here and what we do as missionaries. Carter gave her a Book of Mormon and I left a pair of my reading glasses with her so she could read it.

I hugged her when we left… she smelled like cigarettes, & bacon. We are friends. I’ve been praying for her. I hope she’s going to be OK.

January 1, 2021

Yesterday I went to a car wash to clean up our car after our trip. The automatic wash had just started when there was a big crash. My car lurched forward and the car wash stopped. I sat there a little dazed wondering what had just happened. I got out and saw the car that had been waiting behind me backing away with her front end banged up. I just got rear ended! Who gets rear ended at a car wash? The manager was yelling at the woman. I felt bad for her and walked around to talk with everyone. It was obviously not intentional. The manager stopped yelling when he saw me. We exchanged information for insurance purposes and took pictures of the damage to each other’s cars. The right side of my trunk was buckled and the right back tail light was broken. She became pretty rattled and started crying. I gave her a hug and told I was sorry this happened. Her name is JoAnn. After she drove away, the owner of the place drove up to access the damage to the machinery. I could tell he was stressed. They gave me my money back and the manager finished washing my car in one of the self-serve bays.

As I drove off, I realized that I had just witnessed another situation that Who I represent made a difference! I remembered that when I walked up to the yelling manager, he looked at my badge for a second and stopped his yelling. He was very calm and optimistic after that. When the owner walked up to me, he also read my badge, paused for a bit, looked up at my face and kindly said, “We have Sister Mayberry here.” I felt him calm down too.

Our car is still very drivable, all the lights and blinkers work correctly, but when I drive it, there’s a constant dinging sound and light on the dash trying to tell me that a door is open. We also cannot open the trunk. I emailed the fleet manager at the area office but it was New Years Eve here and I have not heard back from anyone yet about what I need to do.

I testify that the Lord is in the details of our lives. He calmed that little storm at the car wash. His influence was there… and I am so grateful.

Oceans of love to you all as this new year begins!

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Arohanui

Sister activity/cookie exchange
Some of the sister missionaries.
With Valda after a caroling activity with our ward.
With Sister Acarapi who came through the MTC in Peru when we served there.

Dear Whanau,
We hit our year mark on the 18th! 6 more months to go!!

Valda has been coming to church on a regular basis. I am beginning to see that we were sent to attend the Auckland ward just for her. I’m pretty sure we were assigned to this ward because the executive secretary knew about Ashton and Elder Magalogo was in this ward who served with Ashton in Fiji. It was really nice to get to know him and his cute family. They moved away though a few months after we got here and then we were assigned to visit Valda. She saw our name tags and we were instant friends. She wrote this in her Christmas card to us, “Thank you for helping me rediscover the things that are REALLY important in our lives.” We are taking her to lunch this Tuesday for her Christmas present. She’s a fun lady with a good sense of humor. She is teaching us some Maori.

We got to go to the Auckland mission Christmas party this past week. It was a real treat to be surrounded by young missionaries again. We got some pictures with missionaries who have served in our ward and who Carter has worked with managing their medical care.

The senior sisters have an activity every Friday and this past Friday we learned how to post a memory on Family Search. I wrote a Christmas memory on my Grandma Nora’s page. We also had a cookie exchange. There’s not very many of us now so we are getting close with the few that are left.

Today was our Christmas program in Sacrament meeting. We sang in the choir and Carter & I were asked to sing the song Starbright. Luckily we had just sung that with a group for our Monday night Christmas activity, so we didn’t need much practice. Those Tongan & Samoan men in the choir sound amazing. They can really sing!

We went to a devotional tonight for Spanish speakers. They are going to start a Spanish branch in our stake. We met a sister who was a missionary in the MTC in Peru when we were there. Super small world. She was the only missionary with a New Zealand accent so she was easy to remember.

Arohanui, (Much Love)

Faye

Aroha= love
Nui= Big
Whanau= Family (pronounced Fawnoo, with the accent on the first syllable)

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He Works with Our Best Efforts

Written by Faye. I had a learning experience this week that I need to record. The head of the legal department approached me in the middle of November asking me to help him choose some music to sing at our area Christmas devotional on December 11th. The legal department is super busy and with COVID, their work is overwhelming. He’s a good musician and singer and was asked to head up a senior missionary choir. I was happy to delve into the music of Christmas so I chose a few pieces for him to look at. We chose one we thought would be easy to work up with a few practices.

One problem I saw was that we don’t have the strong senior missionary choir we used to have. Three couples just went home and two of those couples were very strong singers. I wanted to have a small group so it would sound good and he wanted to have all the senior missionaries sing. I said to him once on the phone, “Do we want an all senior missionary choir or do we want it to sound good.” He was in charge of this so I just went with it… worried.

During the practices, we struggled. It was frustrating for me. It’s always been important to me to make sure a piece is sung well because, I think (in my music-snob brain) it’s distracting and detracts from the Spirit if the music is not sung right.

I’ve learned that is not the case at all if the Lord is involved. He works with our best efforts and I have been chastened, lovingly, carefully and kindly about this very thing.

Yesterday, December 11th, we sang our number at the area office devotional that was recorded and will be sent out to all the Pacific Area church members. I had been doing lots of praying about this performance…”Please bless us beyond our natural capabilities”…”Please let the Spirit be there in spite our our weakness.”

I saw people getting teary and smiling. We got lots of compliments afterward.

The head of the legal department guy knew of my worry during the practices and he approached me afterward and told me, “The reason all of us needed to sing was because these people in the Pacific remember all those senior missionaries who have come and taught and loved them. When we walk in a room with our badges on, we bring a presence with us that we don’t realize we have. They feel that presence. When we come together like we did in this choir, we are powerful. They needed to see and hear all of us.” I knew that was true then and I thanked him for his vision.

It wasn’t about the music. It was about our calling here. It was about who we represent. I saw and felt that reverence too when the area presidency and their wives came in right before the devotional started. Everyone was quiet and we felt the power of their calling.

I’m grateful for this experience. I feel so ordinary here. I’m just a person living in New Zealand right now who’s been called to wear this badge. It’s so ordinary and every day for me. I don’t feel special at all. But Christ is the one Who’s special. I loved being reminded that Who I represent is what’s important. We are around the area presidency and their wives quite often that it is just a normal day with them. But, again, I felt the power of their calling during this meeting. I needed that experience.

Here are some quotes from Elder Ardern at the devotional:

This is not some mundane work we are doing here. (Speaking of the work done by everyone in the area office) Cumulatively, we are building the kingdom of God.

Christ deserves more than our passing thought. He deserves all we can muster.

The best exercise of the day is to fall on your knees (speaking about “O Holy Night” that was just sung) and then act on what you have received.

It is a sweet blessing to end this 2020 year celebrating our Savior. It is just so fitting.

Christ is the real gift of Christmas.

Here’s the link to an article written about the Christmas devotional. There’s a picture of our choir.

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The pohutukawa trees are in full bloom and are so beautiful!

Shell ornaments
A picture taken of us at the Matthew Cowley Pacific Church History Centre after the RS camp last week.


Carter with some men at our ward Christmas party at Long Bay Beach. They are making Samoan Cocoa, made with real crushed cocoa beans. It’s a little bitter with some chunks of the beans. They add a little bit of sugar. The one in the reddish hat is razzing the man stirring the cocoa.
A Facetime call with little Jacob Antonio! He doesn’t say much but he’s really cute!

First section written by Faye: We had a sweet Sunday today. We got up earlier than usual because Bishop asked us to attend their ward council meeting, which started at 7, to help with the ward emergency plan. It was good to see how they worked together and hear and feel the bishops mantel for the ward. He’s a good man. Those people can laugh and joke around. They are fun!

Our friend Valda came to church today! We are wondering if we were sent to this ward just for her, to bring her back to Christ. She seems to respond well to couples from the US who wear the missionary name tags. I think it’s because she used to work with Elder Loren C Dunn when he lived here. She talks about him and his wife ALL THE TIME. The other members couldn’t get anywhere with her, but we have always felt welcome whenever we visit her. She is 83 and is trying to get her life in order for when she dies. She stayed for both meetings & choir practice. She said she felt really good being at church and taking the sacrament again. She wants to come back next Sunday. I sure love her. She is trying to show her love for God by the little things she can do. I had a good conversation with her about that a few weeks ago. God will know she is willing and doing her best with all the struggles she has had in her life.

There’s a Spanish speaking sister that moved into our ward this week and she attended our ward for the first time today. She just joined the church 4 months ago. Her name is Susana Jimenez. We took her and her 10 year old son to the ward Christmas party at Long Bay beach yesterday. She has been in NZ for 2 years now. She’s from Monterey, Mexico. Her English is about like my Spanish, we can understand better than we speak. She is trying to learn English so she can get a job in her field which is accounting. She’s a great lady and the ward members have embraced her. The way they introduced her was, “We have a new member of our ward that speaks Spanish!”

That’s one thing about NZ that I really love. There are so many languages spoken here. The NZ people are so welcoming to everyone. There are 2 Brazilian families in our ward, some Filipino families, Asian, tons of Polynesian and of course Maori. There are lots of Indian people here too.

It’s starting to get hot here. It’s hot when it gets in the 70’s. We got the fans our of our storage unit. The Christmas season is under way. I attended a stake Christmas concert Sunday night. The music of Christmas makes it Christmas for me. There are some talented musicians here. The sisters and I got together and made angels out of shells. I also made a miniature nativity. It was fun! I felt like an Activity Day girl! So fun to do some crafting.

Second section written by Carter:

We had some nice video conversations this week with our children & grandchildren. I sure do love them!

Several people recently have commented on how their lives have been blessed because of the pandemic. One older man said this: “I’m grateful for being in a pandemic lockdown with my wife. We have had a lot of fun together!” A young wife and mother also commented on how she and her husband had gotten closer than ever as they spent time together during the lockdown. A sister bore her testimony today, mentioning that she has returned to Church activity largely because of the pandemic, which allowed her to choose to “settle down” and re-evaluate her priorities.

This week, I fell in love with President Oaks’ talk, Love Your Enemies. I especially love this thought: It is possible to obey and seek to improve our nation’s laws and also to love my adversaries and my  enemies. While not easy, it is possible with the help of my Lord, Jesus Christ.

Yesterday I called a 90-year-old widow from our church congregation St. David, AZ. I was getting Facebook messages from her that made me concerned that her account had been hacked…and it had; she had taken care of that when I called her, but we then had a nice conversation. She’s still quite physically active: walking outside when weather permits and riding her stationary bicycle inside the other days. Good for her! She’s one of my heroes!

For some reason, I was struck by the scriptures that clarify that my cleansing is made possible by the Atonement of Christ, but the actual cleansing and refining is done by the Holy Ghost…as I allow Him into my heart to do that. I knew that…but that concept especially resonated with me this week. I love it when the Holy Ghost teaches me like that!
As I was reading 3 Nephi 18:10, which says, “…and this [partaking the sacrament] doth witness unto the Father that ye are willing to do that which I have commanded you,” I had this thought: That small act of eating a small piece of bread and drinking a small cup of water is symbolic of my willingness to keep Christ’s commandments. My willingness can start small and then grow. Paraphrasing: “I am willing; Lord, help Thou my unwillingness.”

Our bishop is from Tonga, where he taught high school. When he immigrated to New Zealand, he did not have the English skills nor NZ teaching credentials to continue that same job here. He learned how to weld and now owns a fabrication business. He shared this experience in ward council today as an example of striving to be flexible in our career paths. The context was a discussion about a sister from Mexico who was an accountant there, but cannot find that kind of work here because she lacks adequate English proficiency. The ward leaders want to help her find work, but it may not be in the same field as when she lived in Mexico. Right now, she is cleaning a gym because her husband lost his IT job during the pandemic.

As I have accepted President Nelson’s invitation to search the scriptures for what the Lord has promised He will do for covenant Israel, this scripture in Jeremiah 24:7 touched me: “And I will give them an heart to know me, that I am the Lord: and they shall be my people, and I will be their God: for they shall return unto me with their whole heart.” How does this apply to me personally? One thought is that God will work upon me so that I will want to return to Him (repent) after I have sinned — as all mortals have and do and will. I love that thought! I would also love to hear some of your favorite promises from the Lord to His covenant Israel.

I humbly testify that Christ’s New Testament Church was restored in 1830 through the Prophet, Joseph Smith. As a young man prior to this restoration, Joseph had searched for the truth; like many of us today, he wanted to know God’s will and his standing before his Creator. His searching led him to the Bible, which encouraged him to ask of God. When Joseph did kneel in humble prayer, God, the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ did in reality visit him and speak to him. They called Joseph to be Their instrument in the promised latter-day restoration of all things. Once again, there was a prophet upon the earth who could authoritatively speak in the name of God because he was called personally by God. Other heavenly messengers also personally visited Joseph and restored Christ’s ancient priesthood, which was necessary to organize Christ’s Church again upon the earth. That same priesthood authority is possessed today in a living prophet named Russell M. Nelson. The main purpose of this priesthood and this Church is to prepare the world for the Second Coming of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.