The title of this post is not my own. It came from a book I am reading called, “Through the Eyes of a Lion” by Pastor Levi Lusko. He and his wife lost their 5 year old daughter. I have learned from his writings. The “Hurting With Hope Still Hurts” phrase rings so true with me!

I’m still learning this grief thing. I’m still learning that grief comes when I least expect it. I’m still learning that I have a lot to learn about grief. This is my second holiday season closer to Ashton. I thought…. hoped…. that this time would be a little better.

Nope. Not even.

I just read some articles by Rhonda O’Neill that sparked the writing of this blog post. She writes about grief.  Her first article is what I have felt this past few weeks. Instead of trying to reformulate her words, I will post the links to the articles. They have been so helpful for me and have validated my feelings during this holiday time. Her writings have helped me realize that I am not crazy…. I’m grieving, and I am going to be OK again.

Getting Through the Fog of Grief during the Holidays

Recovering our Broken Hearts after the Holidays

I wrote this in my journal on Christmas day:

“Hurting With Hope Still Hurts! Those who say that time heals all wounds are wrong…. at least so far. Today, I missed Ashton terribly! I know that the Atonement takes away the sting of death. I know that some day I will understand everything about Heavenly Father’s plan for me and for Ashton. I know that Ashton is not hurting anymore and is happy. I know all that… but I’m still left here on earth without him and sometimes I have to  acknowledge that Ashton’s death and the hole that is gaping in our family IS. REALLY. HARD. Christmas day is supposed to be a wonderful day of celebration! I really tried!”

On this last Christmas day I learned something. I learned that I need to acknowledge my grief, even when it’s unexpected. I can’t suppress it. It won’t just go away. I have to go somewhere….  some place where I can be alone and cry it all out. I can’t get over it or around it, I have to let my self go through it.

I want to add that we had a sweet little distraction at our house for Christmas. This little one year old!! She added so much happiness to our Christmas holiday! Of course, she brought her mom and dad and her uncle Jacob was there too. We got to visit Candace’s family in Sierra Vista also. Grandchildren just make life sweet!

I hope those articles are helpful…. for those who are grieving…. and for those who love them.

Written by Faye