My name is Faye. My son Ashton died by suicide on January 28th, 2014. He was 21 years old.

That is what we say at the Suicide Loss Survivors Support Group in Tucson. It’s been 2 years since I’ve been there. The first time I needed to say that, I couldn’t. Carter said it for us. I realized later that I need to say it too, for myself.

It’s a very hard but healing thing to say.

They went to Zoom during the pandemic while we were in New Zealand. One blessing of the pandemic. And a blessing for us to still attend while we were gone.

Every suicide affects me.

When it’s someone I know… it really affects me.

When it’s 3 in 2 months of families that I know and care for… it’s been heavy.

Heavier than I’ve felt in years.

So heavy…it doesn’t leave.

That’s why I’m back speaking those words. With people who hear me. With those who understand the suicide part. With others of this earth who love a beautiful soul like Ashton.

It was good to be there… feeling heard and seen in my grief.

Thanks be to God for hearing and seeing me. I know He knows me. I know Heaven is aware of my struggle.