Elder Ashton Mayberry with mission president and wife, Kenneth and Janis Klingler ~ Fiji, Suva Mission.

Introduction: I shared Part 1 on Sunday, April 5. This is Part 2. I will share Part 3 on Sunday, April 12. I didn’t really try to break the narrative at a particular juncture; I’m just trying to make each post about 1000 words.

I’m not sure why, but my last post seemed to resonate with a lot of people: over 9400 saw it on Facebook and 208 shares on our blog. Again, while painful, this is helpful for me to write; I hope it’s helpful for someone out there. Please consider sharing with those you think might benefit. Also please consider subscribing so that our posts come automatically to your email inbox — then you don’t need to check for updates; just follow the instructions on the popup when it shows up on the blog.

Here I go:

While on his mission, we communicated with Ashton through email weekly. He likewise emailed us weekly. His mother would send him packages about monthly. She would include things she knew he liked — sour gummy worms, etc. She was very good at especially showing her love for him on his birthday and other holidays. Barring an emergency, missionaries can talk by Skype twice yearly – on Mothers’ Day and Christmas. Limiting the frequency of calls allows them to stay more focused on their service. I didn’t sense anything concerning when we spoke Mothers’ Day 2012; he had been in Fiji for a few months and was making what I thought were the expected transitions to mission life in a foreign country. When we spoke at Christmas 2012, however, his sister, Candace, asked him how he was doing. We could tell that he was near tears which was very unusual for him. He was always able to communicate better via writing than by speaking – so they had a conversation on their keypads. He was NOT doing well. He was discouraged and depressed. We tried to encourage and lift him the best we could. He seemed to be uplifted by our conversation. At some point, Faye had a conversation with Ashton’s mission president, concerned that Ashton was depressed. The president assured her that he would monitor Ashton closely. When we spoke on Mothers’ Day 2013, Ashton was again tearful. His companion at the time later told us that, for about two weeks after that Mothers’ Day call, Ashton was “on fire” and very excited about his missionary service. That period was one of the best times that companion had on his mission. After that, however, Ashton sank into depression again.

In June 2013, our stake president (local ecclesiastical leader over about 3,000 members) called us. He said that Ashton’s mission president had called him, concerned that Ashton was struggling with depression. A three-way call was arranged between us, the stake president, and Ashton (in Fiji). I thought we had a good conversation. Among other topics we discussed, I asked Ashton if he was suicidal. He said that he had thought about stepping in front of a bus in Fiji, but, that he did not have an active plan to take his own life. We discussed the option of coming home right then. He wanted to see if he could stay on his mission. He saw a physician in Fiji, who started him on an antidepressant. He met via phone about weekly with a mental health counselor from the Church who was in New Zealand. At some point, Ashton became delusional. Delusions are “…a rigid system of beliefs with which a person is preoccupied and to which the person firmly holds, despite the logical absurdity of the beliefs and a lack of supporting evidence.” (see Footnote 1). He thought others didn’t like him and that they were talking about him. He thought that none of his companions liked him; I don’t think that was true. And it wasn’t just a person here or there; he thought “nobody” in the area liked him and that “everybody” knew what a bad person he was. Mission presidents – and their wives – are mature couples, sometimes retired from their respective occupation. They supervise 100-200 missionaries, most of them are young men and young women between 18 and 25 years old. Ashton’s mission president happened to be from Mesa, Arizona. When he completed his 3-year-term as president last summer, we were able to meet with him and his wife in their home. We felt very reassured about the wise and kind and just plain good people they are. Mission presidents interview each missionary regularly. Ashton would tell his president that his companions didn’t like him and that they didn’t get along. When the president would bring this up with the companion – and this happened with several different companions – the companion would invariably be shocked; he thought they were getting along well. Were Ashton’s delusions caused by the Church’s teaching to be “good”? Is it the Church’s “fault”? Did the pressures of a mission “cause” his mental illness? Possibly, but life in general is somewhat stressful for everyone; I choose to think that Ashton’s mental illness would have developed even if he HADN’T chosen to serve a mission. The good thing about a mission was that Ashton had a companion with him 24/7. He met regularly with his mission president, someone who loved and cared deeply about him. If a person is going to develop a mental illness, the mission is probably the best place it could have happened; it was caught and treated earlier than if he had not been on a mission.

In July 2013, our stake president called us again. Ashton had been speaking regularly by phone with the counselor from New Zealand. He was on an antidepressant. Nevertheless, when Ashton mentioned his delusions – that “nobody” liked him, etc – the counselor challenged those beliefs and Ashton became angry and stopped taking his medication. He didn’t think the counselor believed him. The therapeutic relationship was irreparable. The counselor couldn’t help him anymore and recommended that Ashton come home where he could receive more intense treatment and attention. I think that was the right decision. After Ashton came home, we asked him about the timing of his coming home. In retrospect, he said he probably should have come home in about April; he was starting to really struggle at about that time.

I choose to think that Ashton had those thoughts because his mind was “broken.” He had lost the ability to see the good in himself. Religious delusions are VERY common. Mental illness often manifests itself in young people Ashton’s age. There are several in my family who are bipolar. I have been on an antidepressant myself for the past two years. Faye has been on antidepressants in the past. Ashton had some genetic predisposition to mental illness.

Footnotes:

1. http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/156888/delusion. This reference goes on to say that delusions. “…vary in intensity, extent, and coherence and may represent pathological exaggeration of normal tendencies to rationalization, wishful thinking, and the like. Among the most common are delusions of persecution and grandeur; others include delusions of bodily functioning, guilt, love, and control.

Written by Carter